Sensationalist headline much?
Dogs on the Street Awards!
Today we begin a semi-regular section honouring all those who have shown a remarkable capacity for talking bollocks! Presenting the DOTS (Dogs on the Street) Awards. So named for those who parrot bollocks, even when the dogs on the street know that there is absolutely no truth to what they are saying. Yes, these pathological plonkers will continue to spout the company line or worse, actually themselves believe what they are saying.
Our inaugural award goes to a man who, if not loved, then was certainly laughed at by you all.
Ladies and gentlemen, Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf a.k.a. Comical Ali, the former Iraqi Minister of Information, who, even with the sound of tanks rolling in behind him, still stuck to the line that there were no American tanks in Baghdad! And he did it with such a straight face that it’s hard to believe he didn’t actually choke on his own horse shit!
Admittedly, this first award sets a high standard in talking bollocks and will be hard to beat. If you know of any potential candidates for a DOTS Award, send them to us for consideration.
Hint: google Alan Kelly and go from there.
Competition Time!
Enter our exclusive competition and you could win a 7-night stay somewhere in your own imagination. To enter, just read the following article and simply spot the bollocks. To start you off we have bolded a few of the more obvious examples of bollocks. The rest is up to you. Special bonus points for those who spot the 3 obvious bolloxes.
Out of Office
Joanna Hand asked:
Dear Bernie Bassett,
How would you sum up your time in office?
Howya Joanna,
Well I’d usually have a cappuccino in the morning, play solitaire for a while and den check out Paddy Power dot com to check out de odds for whatever race meeting would be coming up. Dat would take me up to lunchtime.
Lunch itself isn’t important to your question as I don’t have it in the office. Normally, it’s out the bleedin’ door to the nearest and most expensive 5-star hotel for a slap up grill on de taxpayers’ tab.
De afternoon would generally be a repeat of the morning, except I’d probably have a shite between 3.30 and 5pm. I’ve built up a grand collection of Racing Post back issues in the old cubicle. Dat brings me nicely to the end of another hard day at the office.
Dat about sums it up I think,
Infacta,
Bernie
Game of Thrones
Talking Bollocks 